whats the word for 'nostalgia for a time that never existed'
!thinking about the nostalgia of the specific time/places i grew up vs now
scouring the fb marketplace, kijiji, etc to find shelving and stuff for my room. things have gotten so expensive, it feels like no matter how much I adjust myself or my expectations, things are difficult
Goal posts are running marathons at this point. And its already been established I'm not a runner anymore.
my wildest dream atm is to putter around in a studio apartment. ideally with stairs or backyard access for cat. a balcony, at the very least.
no shame in a night owl schedule, or dishes in the sink.
a bathtub, ideally. windows, for sure. close to transportation, even on winter days. close to friends and groceries.
objects, every one with its place. objects, used near constantly.
i am growing my mushrooms, my herbs. i am making things, taking little classes. i am not worried or stressed about money, rent. i even call my family and return texts.
in the summer, i get into a routine in the evenings. a pick of places to frequent. i am comfortable in my body. i am comfortable in my mind. i am at ease around strangers, unbothered. comfortably charming, even unprepared.
in the winter, i mend my clothes, repurpose fabrics, quilt slowly. i meal prep soups and pancakes, pickle things into stable shelf life. i lure friends into dinner parties, movies on projectors. nesting comfortably, holding hands on blankets over furniture.
i learn to drive. i get my documents in order. cat is better on a leash. i learn to enjoy pumpkins out of pie. i have a skincare routine again, and a night time one too (tea, tumeric, moisturizer and spa socks).
the cat no longers meows at me incessantly, begging to leave at odd hours of the morning-night. she lets herself in, lets herself out. i eat my prepped food, having arrived at the right amount of variety. i am hungry again, and i can tell when it starts, and i can satisfy it in peace.
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c /づ づ 🕳️ ོ༘₊⁺☀︎₊⁺⋆.˚
mingling w/ magnet poetry & surf the web