Truly Madly Deeply
I am annoyed. Annoyed. To here, as in gesturing to near where the tip of my head meets the sky.
Most likely, this has something to do with my meds.
But also, something to do with the missing cat tree parts (that I lovingly left in the new place, to reassemble later, a cat tree that I was hoping would last a while). And the fact that the door to my room gets stuck at the top so I am pulling and pulling and swearing and pulling until it snaps open. I have a cat now, so I have resigned myself to a certain lack of privacy. But #%@!.
Did I mention my phone fell out in the rain, right into a full gutter of water? Or that the front door is tricky too and I am not at my best when I am trying to get into my cocoon?
I went to a friends' party last night. They got their residency card and we celebrated. After moving all day, I had been steadily imbibing my greens. So by the time I got there, I was at a steady place. It came as a surprise, the intimacy of drunk folks. Especially strangers.
Like with many special occasions, I broke my sobriety to toast with champagne, and that got me a little closer to their level. I think about substances often. What is the amount? The method? The effects and after effects?
In this case, a late night and dancing.
Any other good news?
ദ്ദി・ᴗ・)✧
Made it to the show I wanted to see, with my fave pal. Rajni Perera and Marigold Santos. Incredible, incredible. Magical magical. It closes in 2 more days, and I'd like to go back. + caught the last showing of Habitat. We laid in a dark room while music played for 45 minutes.
As an aside:
Choosing to spend time being present with someone, vs zoom zoom for the things you need to do -- its a really different vibe. Something to remember, keep in ur pocket, etc.
I also sent in my app to an e-textile thing. Hardware is tough to do from bed IMO. Textiles are gentler. Even though, I mess those up often too. ...Lately, my art practice is more bed-based than ever.
I want I want I want. To be so deeply in love with being alive that nothing can stop me from feeling joy, feeling present, feeling loving and generous. Make make make, love love love, every object has its place and my own refuge is safe and stable.
I wish things were less tricky. And my baseline mood was less prone to being derailed.
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A change.
As I was writing this post, I looked up the original cat tree listing listing, and realized what happened to the missing parts. Cat tree is now put together properly!
Angry patience is lovely in this way. Even if taxing.
Good things come to those who yell at the sky. Positive feelings of relief, a re-energized belief in one's own process, etc etc.
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In some parts of the world, like the one I live in -- Negative out-loud complaints are a social faux pas. Reserved for close intimacies.
A while ago, I decided to accept that my brand of complaining is cultural. And slightly trauma cycle-based. A compatibility test, even.
Here though, mainly an obscure lesson in object permanence, etc etc.
(╭ರ_•́)
(´ ˘ `).｡oO ( ♡ )