personal bests
lots going on. wrote a little note and remembered that this spot is where i put them
nominations for scariest thing this year
- SW to combat unemployment and debt
- deciding to not go through with grad school
- moving outside the familial, feminine narratives of possibility
- accepting the permanance of the cat (she is glaring at me, as i type this)
- Moving to places where I don't speak the language
Finding yet more psychological concepts to move through. Top themes this year are
- the interplay between loneliness, jealousy and creativity.
- the deep grief around desire when brown men go look for brown women bodies to fuck into/fuck up.
- what happens when the artist is no longer an anthropologist?
- what happens when your brain slows down to mush?
- what happens when?
interaction as connection
finding a fleeting feeling, and just as you start to taste it, it dissappears.
&
MSG = umami
i have not been coding as much this week. well, this past week. i think it is a new week now. And, I coded a bunch this evening.
i think im going to skip baby video game maker tomm maybe. Going into a GB studio rabbit hole to get ready for play testing. Very low energy undergrad of me, and. I swear I try to show up and follow through and all that. But baby, if you had this brain and body, you'd know it's trying its best.
Mm. i should pick up a copy of Kafka's Metamorphosis. I think the absurdism could feel, hmm. Deliciously real.
fleeting thought. cant catch up = don't run.
Oh. The contemporary thai place down the street has great food.
Every year is the year of survival.
While I re-read what I write here and publish/un-publish. Well, it's fun to know im going through a hard time, but also doing scary things I've wanted or needed to experience.
i keep coming back to add more to this post.
this is a sign that im journalling big, likely inside thoughts.
but oh, what was it? ok, yeah.
sometimes when ur body's natural rythym is 'state of emergency', everything will feel bad until it finds a new comfortable logic, reality, lived experience.
So. I think maybe that's important to remember. yesyesyes