Just a bing-bong, ding dong
Handed off my work thing to the person with wordpress back-end skills. I want to look at their files later. The meeting seemed gentle, but also focused. The part of me that wants things, wants to ask if there are ways for me to learn from them. The part of me that is trying to establish gentler patterns, is saying - you just met them, and you're wanting. Slow down, get to know them, get to know the process.
I have to find another gig. And it's going to take some energy. I feel myself avoiding lifeAdmin, like checking voicemails, figuring out grad school, doctors' appointments, etc. It's tricky to prioritize. Like, there isn't a magic wave-a-wand moment. You do the thing, and then you have to do the thing again, and again. And chances are, it won't feel too different having done it. Not relief, for sure. Just checking things off the list.
I went on Instagram and saw these posts for jobs, or things people are up to. And I wished it were me. I always do, I think. I want to live in the now, in my slow snail ways that walk down to groceries, and meow with the cat, and does home body things.
I have been missing making though. The need to make something real, and tangible.
I liked making the website. I would like to do more of that, and learn more. But in the slow and playful way.
What I would love though, is to put my things away. Acquire a couple of shelves, fold the clothes, etc. There is just too much stuff.
mm. thinking about how i wanted to work more on publishing stuff this year, but with less money and less energy and what feels like a lack of knowledge -- not feeling too confident about it. Making stuff for other people can be frustrating, but it's nice not to have to think so hard.
On one hand, you have to juggle another person's tastes and direction. On the other hand, from the outside looking in, it's really easy and clear how to support their project. A bit of editing here, a bit of finessing there.
Making things!!
I wish I had money to go to Mexico for the electronic workshop. I wish, also, that the part of being a maker that is friendship ~ network ~ knowing came more naturally to me too.
Oh well. I have really rad friends, even if we are not in the same field.
Thinking about this post from Herman.
NNnnnnnggghhh. Just a bing-bong ding-dong in a bing-dong ding-bong world.