fueled by ?
~ A reflection on social practice n being an art person. This is a personal thing, give it room to be wrong n evolve/grow.
I have been getting an itch to make. Even if its something small, but ideally just big enough to feel ππππππππππππ.
It's that space between confidence and applause. Frankly, its a bad habit I've been trying to break out of. To find methods that feel less stressful, less effort. I love LO-Fi. (!!)
I keep making sites, but essentially for the same purpose. An invitation to learn/make together. Some things I've been thinking about in terms of social practice/ events as art practice, specifically in the ways I do it:
(1) It's a form of control. To show others and self that I have something to share, and structure time/space for it. A cross-collab/mimic of how social capital works with people who are organizers. 1
(2) A personal solution to having a tough time with having stable community to draw from. Like, whether moving around too much / a family history of distrust of community / feeling disconnected. A personal solution as a radical act of ππππππ ππ₯ πππ‘π‘ππ.2
(3) Body Doubling. It's tougher to do things by myself. But if it's around other people, it is easier to do. + One of the reasons I love tools and showing them to people is because I find it much more inspiring to see what other folks make. 3
I think. I want to be professional at being an amateur, in a way.
I had to internet search the spelling of amateur and the definition came up as
1: one who engages in a pursuit, study, science, or sport as a pastime rather than as a profession 2: one lacking in experience and competence in an art or science 3: devotee, admirer
I'm not sure what that means. Maybe it's about how I find naive or folk art styles more interesting than hyper-realism. Or maybe it's back to personal vs political and the liminal space between those two things.
I texted a friend who moved to the city I'm in a while ago. I have been slow to meet up with people, which has been suitable.
They asked if I moved for the MFA4. I got an acceptance this year, but in the end, I decided not to go. To stay in one place, close to friends, figure some stuff out.
The more I work with code and games and low tech, the more possibilities I see for the kind of connective work I want to make. At the same time, it changes my relationship to other ways I have made in the past.
To be fair, the only person that cares about this is me. I'm my own little black hole - hungry for more.
Mm. I imagine its a bit like magic, or any other skill. Use it or lose it.
My favorite part of the Berlin thing last year was not so much the stuff I was working on. Frankly, my project was messy -- much too technical for my beginner arduino brain. But I loved helping a cohort member put together their project -- talking through what kind of things they wanted to make, staying up to help them hot glue their sculpture.
I believe in amateurs.
What I care about is resiliency, and having access to making and knowing. And with the frustrating constraints of capitalism and whatnot, I believe in DIY as a form of resistance.
The distance tends to be knowledge and practice. And it's that distance I like messing with.
Increasingly, I see people in academia or even art/craft influencers making the cool stuff. Probably related to how they are resourced with money/sponsorships/time. Some of the coolest tech things too, I have seen come from practitioners who have been at this a while. Esp. hardware.
It makes me a little mad lol. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's jealousy? because I'm not them? A likely story.
I think it would be fun to be in academia. If only to make more amateur things.
Thinking about that Atlanta episode where Earn hires actors to make someone think they are getting a book publishing deal. To the point they quit their job, etc. This person had essentially made it difficult for him to board his flight with his family. The episode is about spite, and power imo.
I'm not as tough or smart as Earn. Darius, at most (big crush on LaKeith Stanfield lol). ...mm, i don't know what I'm getting at.
Maybe that being an artist is a spiteful thing sometimes. For the jokes, u know?
And also. Maybe a hack -- socially, economically, politically. A hack towards agency and self-determination.
Is that all teaching? Or co-learning, or events? Is a yoga class about controlling time and space? Or a dance party?... finding room for things that are easy 2 access outside of instituitions (that take a lot of time n money!!) , while doing ur thing. lmao i am drawn to the negative explanations.↩
The whole burnout/health thing has had me unpacking a lot of personal traumas etc. Even if u want to become the opposite of ur parents n you've known it forever, it doesn't protect u from trying to live up to their expectations.↩
Yo. The project I'm thirsting to do right now, I have all the material resources for. But the big mental block is straight up a fear of arduino bugs and the lack of patience when I'm by myself with it. I'm going to go to the studio when a hardware person is there, so I can at least ask/vent while I work on it. im baby lol↩
i have hit a point where I need to pick a direction. and also, an MFA n academia makes the most sense in terms of what I want to do/how i want to live long term. I was lowkey hoping to avoid it, but after this year -- getting laid off, etc -- i know its the thing. I just want 2 b punk π π π π π↩