little island

an extra $200 and superstitions

If I had an extra $200

I would buy this Teddy Balaclava from Lirika Matoshi and cross my fingers that it was warm enough to be outside in.

I would get Rose Skin's laser epilator and be a little less tired and a little more strategic about the PCOS hair on my upper lips and chin that make me feel unpresentable and gross.

Or I would put it towards a trip to Mexico City, maybe take that all day cooking class, where I request there be a non-alcoholic mocktail in place of wine or whatever the fuck.

A year or two ago, I wouldn't have blinked. Well, maybe a little at the first one.

I decided today (and yesterday) that I'm not feeling well enough to work this weekend. This period is kicking my ass (which makes sense, considering the hormones I just started). And, I want the first week of the new year dedicated to myself and my taskies.

Someone said its manifestation. How you welcome the new year sets the tone.

I don't know if I believe that. But as always, love 2 err on the side of superstition.

When I was like, 13. I won these books on the internet. They were by this celebrity psychic, and her readings of famous people. I was living in South Asia at the time. I was mainly happy to have books lol (not something my parents liked to pay for, although I had - ahem - sticky fingers).

Apparently, mainly cultures around the world believe that death by su****e leads to immediate reincarnation. As a lifelong major depressive, it's still one of the main reasons I don't act on the impluses. Just hold the fuck on, and wait for it to pass.

Why am I talking about death?

I don't know. The mind wanders.

Superstitions are like the whispers of ancient magic, and they've trickled down into common sayings, little sign posts and wordplay.

I don't know if I've ever felt in control of my life, even when I've felt a drive to pursue something. Any stray judgement, advice, projections from other people -- they distract me to anguish. Even now. It's scary. Esp. when I also believe in tenderness, in softness as strength. But they're not mutually exclusive. I could be soft and tender, and also back myself.

I kept hearing the phrase on Masterchef Australia, and I think it means to trust yourself. I really like it. I also like that most of the episodes are on YT for free. Weirdly engaging.

Taskies to pick from today:

  1. Fold clothes
  2. Grad apps
  1. More wordpress, or some other coding thing
  2. Wash sheets / Sort laundry.

#everyday